Hype is back.

It's really hard to take finals when you know you're about to finish your degree and the final you're taking doesn't matter.

Leave me a comment saying "Resistance is Futile."

• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions

1) What is it about music that makes you so passionate about it?
I can't really described it accurately, but I think most people have an idea about it. There's something supernatural and spiritual about "experiencing" music. It makes you feel something nothing else does and touches you in a way that few other things can. Not only that, it's really challenging! Of all the things in my life that I've tried to do, I've had to work the hardest on music but I've also gotten the most out of it. There's also a lot about music to relate to. You can just enjoy listening to it, or you can play it and enjoy the physical sensation of making the air vibrate, or you can try to express something through it, you can compose your own, you can mathematically study it, you can study the history and culture and people of it, you can interpret it like literature...I guess it seems to me that in addition to "liking" music, it can provide endless other ways to invlove yourself in it. So I like that about it.

2) What makes you smile the most?
Probably my kitty! Sammy's so funny most of the time and is probably the most affectionate cat I've ever met. Plus, he is my sweet, sweet, precious little prince. You know how people are with their pets. Having him has gotten me through a lot of things. He always knows when to curl up on me at the right time.

3) What moment in your life shaped you the most?
I don't think there's one single moment. Who I am now is a result of all the little moments. Nothing huge or traumatic has ever happened to make me do a 180. There are moments that maybe were more trying or more exciting than most, but the development of my personality has been a continuous process for the past 24 years.


4) What are you most proud of?
My cooking. Seriously. I've had no formal training in it EVER but (I think, at least) I am damn good at it. It also is a way that I can tangibly show people that I care about them. By putting effort into a meal and cooking something really tasty I can make someone else happy for a little while. But yeah, I'm good at it.

5) Whats the best book you've ever read and why?
World War Z. It's scary, funny, well written, and interesting. You can read a few pages or the whole thing. If you stop it's easy to pick it back up. Brooks created a really comprehensive zombie mythology and sticks to it throughout the book. Furthermore, the scenarios are well researched and believable. You ought to go read it. Right now.

I had a meeting with my advisor today that didn't crush my soul. Hooray!

The halloween party last night was a success. I made Athens/Sousa style hunch punch and someone got violently ill from it. At one point there was a dance party and people started swapping parts of their costumes. Pictures of this are floating around somewhere on the internets. They're worth seeing! I have a ton of food left now, which means I've gotta figure out what to cook with it... velveeta and rotel eggs? I think that sounds perfect. Lots of cocktail weenies? Sigh.

what am I doing to help others right now? learning a lot about music? does that help people? would your life be better and more fulfilling if i taught you something about music?

what change can i make in my life so that i'll be happy? i don't know.

at what point am i miserable enough to tell him i'm miserable, think of him all the time, and miss him every minute?

i'm not totally sure what the point of me doing anything is. Life right now makes me unhappy. I see so many people who just go to work everyday and don't have anything meaningful in their lives, so I know this is something that is common. Are any of us ever happy? If we've all created meaningless lives for ourselves why bother trying? The only time I feel like I have a purpose is when I'm trying to make someone happy, but I inevitably fail at that.

Deep down I just want to get married and have babies and raise them to be Methodist and cook dinner every night.

oh. man. I went to hip-hop class at the gym tonight and was THE ONLY PERSON THERE. It was awkward, because the instructor, Rayquez, is a professional dancer and I am very, very white. Very white. He was a good sport and it was fun though. I feel better after moving a little bit. There were some of the moves that were overtly sexual that I sort of refused to do though.

The only thing getting me through my days recently has been picking back up doing "quiet time" in the morning with "My Utmost for His Highest." I finally feel more at peace with my life right now. Not unhurt, not unlonely, not unconfused (unfortunately, also not unhopeful), but like I can handle it and will be fine whatever happens. Life is bigger than me.

Remember that time I hadn't worked out in like a month? Yeah, me too....sigh.

I'm throwing a Halloween party. You should come! It's going to be really fun and hopefully as epic as my birthday.

and there it is. after weeks of agony, i inevitably find out that the man who breaks my heart has immediately moved on to someone new. this has happened literally every time i've gotten dumped. little michael in HS had been trying to find a date before we broke up. david was already dating someone else. scott was trying to date a friend of mine. alex had a new girl within weeks. and now noah has found new love for himself, i'd imagine within 2 weeks of dumping me. i saw a pattern of behavior in alex, but i really didn't expect it from noah since i knew for a fact that he didn't date much. to me, all this begs the question, "why am i so forgettable?" why, while i cry and mope, do the men who claim to care about me so quickly hook up with another girl? how can they heal so quickly? i ought to be used to it by now. i really wasn't expecting it this time, though, because i'd tried so hard to be honest about my feelings, and still got the answer that he was coming back. why would i get that feeling if he so obviously had 0 feelings for me?

Maybe I've had it all wrong. I thought for a long time that because I was funny, smart, liked football, played video games, and drank beer that I would seem super awesome to dudes. Perhaps not true. That makes me seem like a dude, and thus unattractive. Dudes want ladies, not women who act like dudes. My perceptions of femininity are a bit too unconventional perhaps, at least outwardly.

sick. AGAIN. on a weekend. FML.

I'm starting to get over him. Maybe. I'm not so depressed anymore, at least.

I've over extended myself this semester. It seems like all the things I signed up to do suddenly exploded into much more than they originally advertised themselves to be. I can't keep up these rehearsals, social things, class things, etc etc. I need some time to do things like work out and decompress and cook good food. Someone's going to have to hear "no".

Here's what I learned this week (inspired by Emily):

1) I'm very loved even when I don't want to be or don't feel that way or am obsessed with whatever minor problem in my life that makes me forget things.

2) Sometimes you just need a good party with those friends who love you.

3) I'm much luckier than I realize most of the time. Lucky in every way that one can be lucky (well, maybe not the love life part, but whatevs)

4) Because of the above mentioned things, I have nothing to worry about. I am lucky and loved. There's nothing much more one needs.

It's good to have a week of confirmations after a week of hard.

Remember that time my birthday party lasted almost 10 hours and everyone I invited came? Yeah. It was tonight.

it's my birthday, but i can really only think of one person i want to spend it with. good thing all my friends are coming over tomorrow to make up for it!

Wowlongday. 15 hours. I had class this morning, studied in the library between class, TAed, went to more class, and worked in the library trying to figure out a topic for my thesis until about 5:30, then had dinner with Emily, had orchestra rehearsal, and went to Blueberry Hill with Kate, Mike, and Emily. Phew. I definitely put in a full 9-5 day, plus rehearsals. It feels good to know I accomplished something today. I was freaking out and on the verge of a break down this morning. I woke up sad (because I went to bed crying) and kept thinking how badly I wanted to just go home and feel loved for a few days. I even considered calling my mom and asking her to come see me for a few days. I feel better now though. It was apparently some good old fashioned hard work couldn't cure.

Unfortunately, I'm still pretty far from having topics nailed down, but I maybe have pieces to look at. I've also got a LOT of cleaning to do before Thursday when my friends come over to watch Project Runway. I have a concert tomorrow night, though. I also have a lot to do to get ready for my birthday fiesta on Saturday.

Has anyone used WorldCat lately? I HATE the new site design. HATE. It seems somehow unprofessional to me and like it's some BS search engine. I find the "reviews"section to be a little bit much as well. It's a library interface, not a wiki or message board or a social networking site or yelp or something. Grumble! Laura hates when her research tools change slightly! I also liked the tabs at the top that you could click to look at the different materials it used to have. Stupid worldcat. "Find books near me!" Like you're google or something..... Is there an iPhone worldcat app? That'd be kind of cool...

*EDIT* I just used worldcat from home and it was still the same as always. Is this new design only through WashU's interwebs?

Fred Mills, one of the founding members of the Canadian Brass, trumpet professor at UGA, and a masterful musician, died today. Keep his family in your prayers. The UGA community and the music world as a whole lost a great asset.